3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
