if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
