i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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