You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I look better un-naked...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
