I haven't been this sober since birth.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
