Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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