just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
