people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
