Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
