Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
