I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
