Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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