I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
