I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I want a musical about memes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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