I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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