I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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