I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
