Umm I'm too high to move.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
