I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
