Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
