you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
