You're earring is so big in my mouth
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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