He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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