this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
