I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
