At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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