I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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