I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
