I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
