my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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