the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
