the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
God I need to hump something, right now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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