I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
