watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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