3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
