I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
