Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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