It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
