just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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