It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
