then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
