after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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