Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
