Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
vagina is talking i cant
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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