I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
