grandma shit on top of the toilet
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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