Can Purell be used as lube?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
