I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
