Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
