You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
