Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
