My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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